Dealing With Loss

The feeling of ‘loss’ is one of the hardest things to experience in life. Teenage years can be a lot of fun but they are also often an emotional time, loss therefore can be incredibly hard.

Grieving is a natural part of recovery and everyone’s experience of grieving is different. There are no rules about how you should feel or for how long. Many people feel a mixture of sadness, shock, regret, anger, anxiety, loneliness, even depression and despair and sometimes are overwhelmed.

There are times when these feelings can be quite intense especially in the early days/weeks.

During these times it is important that young people continue to look after their own health, time is a great healer.

Examples of loss include: bereavement, divorce, family separation and friendships ending. There are many others however.

Tips

Just like adults, young people react to loss in different ways at different times. They may seems to be very sad, display poor attitudes or appear not to care at all. Young people often at these times find it difficult to concentrate, sleeping and eating can also be an issue.  For a parent/carer it can be difficult to find ways of explaining what has happened, to cope with questions and to manage a young persons behaviour.

We cannot stop young people feeling sad, angry or hurt but it is important for parents/carers to talk with them and to include them in what is going on. This will help make the young person feel supported and understood.

Reassurance, opportunities to express/share feelings will help the young person feel comforted and better able to cope with the challenges loss brings.

Tools and Techniques

Strategies:

Some of the following simple things can make a big difference.

• Eating – many young people lose appetite. Try to keep eating as normal as possible, avoid snacking of junk food, go for healthy well balanced meals.
• Sleeping – it can be difficult to sleep when you are upset, try to relax an hour before bed, dim lights, read a book, distract your mind and make sure the bed is comfortable.
• Socialising – keeping up as normal a social life as possible is important as it allows young people to take their mind off things and also talk to others about how they are feeling.
• Exercising – can make you feel good and help with sleep. Exercise allows young people to focus on something physical rather than something emotional.
• Attending school – long periods of absence can cause increased anxiety. The routines of school can be a welcome distraction for young people.
• Reflecting – for some young people spending time reflecting and writing about their experience can be therapeutic. This can be something they are happy for those close to them to read and discuss with them or even to be kept to themselves until they are ready to speak about their loss.

Who can help

School – guidance teachers are well placed to discuss with pupils issues around loss. They can also refer, if possible, pupils to other agencies for support. Although, if demand is high this can take time.

• Rollercoaster, Barnardo’s, Dundee, 01382 640309, https://www.barnardos.org.uk/
• Helpline: Cruse Bereavemen,t 08088 081677
• Child Bereavement Charity, www.childbereavmentuk.org
• Winston’s Wish, www.winstonwish.org.uk
• The Corner, Dundee, 01382 206060, www.thecorner.co.uk
• School Chaplaincy Team, http://grove.ea.dundeecity.sch.uk/our-school/documents/grove-chaplaincy/view

As a parent/carer you can also consult with your GP about how best to support your young person.

This information can be downloaded as a pdf booklet from this link.